i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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