If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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