Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
