Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
