Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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