i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
