His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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