Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize