My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
