I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
