there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
