hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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