I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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