Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
