don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
