My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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