So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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