So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
