Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize