I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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