Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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