Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
