I accidentally burped into my bong.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
