I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
