Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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