U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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