so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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