hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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