question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
