Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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