So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
last night I used snow as a chaser
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
