I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
