Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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