So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i out mim tonsoeep
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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