I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
