Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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