Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Me too!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
