Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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