You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
