i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
handjob tips. give me some.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just got carded by a ten year old.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
