Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize