I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
