i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
