put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
