I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
