it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
