If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
