my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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