Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
