PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
