it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
