apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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