they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
