ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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