I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
