OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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