How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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