You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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