i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
