Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
