No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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