I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
