; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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