I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
