Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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