Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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