No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Are we still banned from the library?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
