that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
