Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
