He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
