the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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