ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
