I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
