those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
