thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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