i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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