I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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