Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
