Porn is love you can see.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
