I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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