I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
