Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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