Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
