So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
