is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
