someone threw a dead crab at me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
