so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize