I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
