awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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