Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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