apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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